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When I arrived at Valley Hope for treatment at 52 years old, I was a complete train wreck, with more than 40 years of active addiction. I had reached what I can only say was hopefully my last of so many rock bottoms. I remember thinking that I would never make it alone. However, I finally accepted that everybody at Valley Hope wanted to help me.
Heading into my second year of sobriety, I want to do more to break the stigma. It turns out that she was right and, in the most surprising way, I’m glad she was. On a daily basis, I have to stick to a morning routine that includes not looking at my phone sober house for the first hour, journaling, The Daily Stoic, and a long walk. I pay attention to my nervous system throughout the day. I go to therapy every other week, consume a ton of mental health content, and am always in connection with other sober people.
Around 2 months in is when I started to notice my brain recalibrating a bit. Other things were making me happy again. I remember I was on a run at 8 am (which never would have happened while I was drinking) and I stopped to look around.
During residency, we had the first of four children. My son, I thought, would solve our problems and bring us closer. Facing a potential problem and getting sober is not an easy choice, but for millions of people each year it’s a necessary one. I reached out to people who were recovering from addiction and asked them to be involved in a piece about their experiences with finding strength in sobriety.
Eventually, he realized his drinking habits were out of control and he decided to enroll in rehab at Nova Recovery Center. Throughout his treatment experience, James not only overcame his physical addiction, but he also was able to arrive at a place of inner peace with himself and his loved ones. James describes his life in active addiction as “exhausting” and “bleak.” He desperately wanted to stop drinking but couldn’t. Instead, he was constantly trying to maintain the delicate balance between comfortably drunk and totally belligerent, just so he could make it through the day. I rode back in a taxi to the airport crying and promising myself I would get help when I got home.
I put the phrase «Stay the Course» on my Valley Hope cup. I look at my cup every day, count my blessings and thank my higher power (whom I choose to call God) and thank him for this wonderful journey I’m blessed to be a part of. I named my Valley Hope cup “One Day at a Time” because it is the most important step each of us in recovery must live by.
I called in sick, the first time ever in my life. The second night, I began to have diarrhea with old, digested blood in it. The next morning I awoke with my heart racing, unable to get up off the floor, realizing that this was the end of the run. I clearly remember three distinct thoughts. My wife had a miscarriage about a year after the birth of our second child. I didn’t wish to have any more children.